1. neilcicierega:

    More of this great old book series

    (part one / part three)

    (via jerkstorecalling)

     
  2. neilcicierega:

    Anyone remember this book series?

    (part two / part three)

    (via jerkstorecalling)

     

  3. wrrench:

    YOU ARE THE DANCING QUEEN
    YOUNG AND SWEET ONLY SEVENTEEN

    image

    OH YEAH

    (via spicylizard1)

     
  4. becausebirds:

    chiltonomics:

    owls-only:

    An owl landed in a bar

    deAR SIR, HAVE YOU SEEN MY WIZARD?

    WHAT IS THIS STRANGE PLACE

    (via viciousprincess0707)

     
  5. qorter:

    So I found Doug Dimmadome at Dragon Con

    (via spicylizard1)

     

  6. modestmgmtofficial:

    everything’s so funny when u use the wrong measurement:

    • 5 gallons of homework
    • mouthful of lint
    • 20 degrees of facial oil
    • 7 pints of china
    • handful of fergi
    • 60 mph of dad

    (via lady-cher)

     
  7. ayujochuu:

    I quit.

    (via thenimbus)

     
     

  8. Let’s make the Flubber movie cover the most reblogged picture on Tumblr.

    insanitys-love:

    mymompickedthisurl:

    thewinchesterswagger:

    image

    HOW IS THIS THE FIRST TIME I’VE SEEN THIS IT’S ALMOST AT 10 MILLION WTF

    Yes let’s do it for him.

    (Source: mspandrew, via lady-cher)

     
  9. prokopetz:

    This is the one time of year that I love wasps.

    Not because the wasps themselves get any nicer. They’re horrid little creatures year round. No, it’s because I have a couple of big apple trees out back, and late August, early September is when the apples start ripening.

    Now, if you don’t harvest your own fruit, there are two things you need to know about apples.

    The first thing you need to know about apples is that, when apples get ripe, they tend to fall from the tree at the slightest breeze.

    I often work late at the office; by the time I get home, there are piles of apples scattered everywhere - and sure enough, the wasps are out in force, gorging themselves on the fruit. When I go to clean up the windfallen apples, the wasps naturally do the “rawr, I’ma fuck you up!” routine for which wasps are known.

    The second thing you need to know about apples is that they ferment very rapidly in the late August heat.

    So: the wasps try to come at me, but they’re too drunk to fly. They get about an inch off the ground, then faceplant directly into the turf, flip over onto their backs, and lay there, legs twitching in the air as they try in vain to find something to sting.

    Perhaps I’m a man of simple pleasures, but I bust up laughing every. single. time.

    Fucking wasps.

    (via lady-cher)

     
  10.  
  11. jzk:

    holy shit

    (Source: imreallycoolandfriendly, via lady-cher)

     

  12. 100 Reasons NOT To Kill Yourself

    1. 1. We would miss you.
    2. 2. It’s not worth the regret. Either by yourself if you failed or just simply left scars, or the regret everyone else feels by not doing enough to help you.
    3. 3. It does get better. Believe it or not it will eventually get better. Sometimes you have to go through the storm to get to the rainbow.
    4. 4. There’s so much you would miss out on doing.
    5. 5. There is always a reason to live. It might not be clear right now, but it is always there.
    6. 6. So many people care, and it would hurt them if you hurt yourself.
    7. 7. You ARE worth it. Don’t let anyone, especially yourself, tell you otherwise.
    8. 8. You are amazing.
    9. 9. A time will come, once you’ve battled the toughest times of your life and are in ease once again, where you will be so glad that you decided to keep on living. You will emerge stronger from this all, and won’t regret your choice to carry on with life. Because things always get better.
    10. 10. What about all the things you’ve always wanted to do? What about the things you’ve planned, but never got around to doing? You can’t do them when you’re dead.
    11. 11. I love you. Even if only one person loves you, that’s still a reason to stay alive.
    12. 12. You won’t be able to listen to music if you die.
    13. 13. Killing yourself is never worth it. You’ll hurt both yourself and all the people you care about.
    14. 14. There are so many people that would miss you, including me.
    15. 15. You’re preventing a future generation, YOUR KIDS, from even being born.
    16. 16. How do you think your family would feel? Would it improve their lives if you died?
    17. 17. You’re gorgeous, amazing, and to someone you are perfect.
    18. 18. Think about your favourite music artist, you’ll never hear their voice again…
    19. 19. You’ll never have the feeling of walking into a warm building on a cold day
    20. 20. Listening to incredibly loud music
    21. 21. Being alive is just really good.
    22. 22. Not being alive is really bad.
    23. 23. Finding your soulmate.
    24. 24. Red pandas
    25. 25. Going to diners at three in the morning.
    26. 26. Really soft pillows.
    27. 27. Eating pizza in New York City.
    28. 28. Proving people wrong with your success.
    29. 29. Watching the jerks that doubted you fail at life.
    30. 30. Seeing someone trip over a garbage can.
    31. 31. Being able to help other people.
    32. 32. Bonfires.
    33. 33. Sitting on rooftops.
    34. 34. Seeing every single country in the world.
    35. 35. Going on roadtrips.
    36. 36. You might win the lottery someday.
    37. 37. Listening to music on a record player.
    38. 38. Going to the top of the Eiffel Tower.
    39. 39. Taking really cool pictures.
    40. 40. Literally meeting thousands of new people.
    41. 41. Hearing crazy stories.
    42. 42. Telling crazy stories.
    43. 43. Eating ice cream on a hot day.
    44. 44. More Harry Potter books could come out, you never know.
    45. 45. Travelling to another planet someday.
    46. 46. Having an underwater house.
    47. 47. Randomly running into your hero on the street.
    48. 48. Having your own room at a fancy hotel.
    49. 49. Trampolines.
    50. 50. Think about your favourite movie, you’ll never watch it again.
    51. 51. Think about the feeling of laughing out loud in a public place because your best friend has just sent you an inside joke,
    52. 52. Your survival will make the world better, even if it’s for just one person or 20 or 100 or more.
    53. 53. People do care.
    54. 54. Treehouses
    55. 55. Hanging out with your soul mate in a treehouse
    56. 55. Snorting when you laugh and not caring who sees
    57. 56. I don’t even know you and I love you.
    58. 57. I don’t even know you and I care about you.
    59. 58. Because nobody is going to be like you ever, so embrace your uniqueness!
    60. 59. You won’t be here to experience the first cat world emperor.
    61. 60. WHAT ABOUT FOOD?! YOU’LL MISS CHOCOLATE AND ALL THE OTHER NOM THINGS!
    62. 61. Starbucks.
    63. 62. Hugs.
    64. 63. Stargazing.
    65. 64. You have a purpose, and it’s up to you to find out what it is.
    66. 65. You’ve changed somebody’s life.
    67. 66. Now you could change the world.
    68. 67. You will meet the person that’s perfect for you.
    69. 68. No matter how much or how little, you have your life ahead of you.
    70. 69. You have the chance to save somebody’s life.
    71. 70. If you end your life, you’re stopping yourself from achieving great things.
    72. 71. Making snow angels.
    73. 72. Making snowmen.
    74. 73. Snowball fights.
    75. 74. Life is what you make of it.
    76. 75. Everybody has a talent.
    77. 76. Laughing until you cry.
    78. 77. Having the ability to be sad means you have the ability to be happy.
    79. 78. The world would not be the same if you didn’t exist.
    80. 79. Its possible to turn frowns, upside down
    81. 80. Be yourself, don’t take anyone’s shit, and never let them take you alive.
    82. 81. Heroes are ordinary people who make themselves extraordinary. Be your own hero.
    83. 82. Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.
    84. 83. One day your smile will be real.
    85. 84. Having a really hot, relaxing bath after a stressful day.
    86. 85. Lying on grass and laughing at the clouds.
    87. 86. Getting completely smashed with your best friends.
    88. 87. Eating crazy food.
    89. 88. Staying up all night watching your favourite films with a loved one.
    90. 89. Sleeping in all day.
    91. 90. Creating something you’re proud of.
    92. 91. You can look back on yourself 70 years later and being proud you didn’t commit
    93. 92. Being able to meet your Internet friends.
    94. 93. Tea / Coffee / Hot Chocolate
    95. 94. Sherlock season three.
    96. 95. Cuddling under the stars.
    97. 96. Being stupid in public because you just can.
    98. 97. If you are reading this then you are alive! Is there any more reason to smile?
    99. 98. being able to hug that one person you havent seen in years
    100. 99. People care enough about you and your future to come up with 100 reasons for you not to do this.
    101. 100. But, the final and most important one is, just, being able to experience life. Because even if your life doesn’t seem so great right now, literally anything could happen
    102. IF that isn’t enough:
    103. Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696
    104. Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433
    105. LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255
    106. Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386
    107. Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743
    108. Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438
    109. Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673
    110. Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272
    111. Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000
    112. Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253
    113. Child Abuse: 1-800-422-4453
    114. UK Helplines:
    115. Samaritans (for any problem): 08457909090 e-mail jo@samaritans.org
    116. Childline (for anyone under 18 with any problem): 08001111
    117. Mind infoline (mental health information): 0300 123 3393 e-mail: info@mind.org.uk
    118. Mind legal advice (for people who need mental-health related legal advice): 0300 466 6463 legal@mind.org.uk
    119. b-eat eating disorder support: 0845 634 14 14 (only open Mon-Fri 10.30am-8.30pm and Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) e-mail: help@b-eat.co.uk
    120. b-eat youthline (for under 25’s with eating disorders): 08456347650 (open Mon-Fri 4.30pm - 8.30pm, Saturday 1pm-4.30pm)
    121. Cruse Bereavement Care: 08444779400 e-mail: helpline@cruse.org.uk
    122. Frank (information and advice on drugs): 0800776600
    123. Drinkline: 0800 9178282
    124. Rape Crisis England & Wales: 0808 802 9999 1(open 2 - 2.30pm 7 - 9.30pm) e-mail info@rapecrisis.org.uk
    125. Rape Crisis Scotland: 08088 01 03 02 every day, 6pm to midnight
    126. India Self Harm Hotline: 00 08001006614
    127. India Suicide Helpline: 022-27546669
    128. Kids Help Phone (Canada): 1-800-668-6868, Free and available 24/7
    129. suicide hotlines;
    130. Argentina: 54-0223-493-0430
    131. Australia: 13-11-14
    132. Austria: 01-713-3374
    133. Barbados: 429-9999
    134. Belgium: 106
    135. Botswana: 391-1270
    136. Brazil: 21-233-9191
    137. China: 852-2382-0000
    138. (Hong Kong: 2389-2222)
    139. Costa Rica: 606-253-5439
    140. Croatia: 01-4833-888
    141. Cyprus: 357-77-77-72-67
    142. Czech Republic: 222-580-697, 476-701-908
    143. Denmark: 70-201-201
    144. Egypt: 762-1602
    145. Estonia: 6-558-088
    146. Finland: 040-5032199
    147. France: 01-45-39-4000
    148. Germany: 0800-181-0721
    149. Greece: 1018
    150. Guatemala: 502-234-1239
    151. Holland: 0900-0767
    152. Honduras: 504-237-3623
    153. Hungary: 06-80-820-111
    154. Iceland: 44-0-8457-90-90-90
    155. Israel: 09-8892333
    156. Italy: 06-705-4444
    157. Japan: 3-5286-9090
    158. Latvia: 6722-2922, 2772-2292
    159. Malaysia: 03-756-8144
    160. (Singapore: 1-800-221-4444)
    161. Mexico: 525-510-2550
    162. Netherlands: 0900-0767
    163. New Zealand: 4-473-9739
    164. New Guinea: 675-326-0011
    165. Nicaragua: 505-268-6171
    166. Norway: 47-815-33-300
    167. Philippines: 02-896-9191
    168. Poland: 52-70-000
    169. Portugal: 239-72-10-10
    170. Russia: 8-20-222-82-10
    171. Spain: 91-459-00-50
    172. South Africa: 0861-322-322
    173. South Korea: 2-715-8600
    174. Sweden: 031-711-2400
    175. Switzerland: 143
    176. Taiwan: 0800-788-995
    177. Thailand: 02-249-9977
    178. Trinidad and Tobago: 868-645-2800
    179. Ukraine: 0487-327715
     

  13. tayloriaa:

    I eat a lot for someone who’s terrified of gaining weight.

    (via heidersbobeiders)

     

  14. thespacegoat:

    zacksplosion:

    gimmegrimmy:

    thecityofpawnee:

    nerdmodeactivated:

    tea-in-the-tardis:

    bakuraryou:

    OK SO IN ENGLAND THIS IS WHAT A RUBBER IS

    image

    AND SOMEONE ON MY DASH JUST MENTIONED PUTTING A ‘RUBBER’ ON YOUR PENIS AND

    I GOT REALLY REALLY CONFUSED

    THIS IS WHAT WE CALL A RUBBER IN AUSTRALIA TOO. WE FEEL YOUR PAIN.

    SAME WITH NEW ZEALAND.

    We don’t have those in America because we don’t make mistakes.

    image

    image

    THAT WAS ONE TIME

    HE WAS ELECTED TWICE.

    (via heidersbobeiders)

     
  15. good-enough-for-a-poke:

    C’mere Jannie… JANNIE… 

    (via good-enough-for-a-poke)